Drowning in Thoughts

     Sometimes my mind is cluttered with a lot of thoughts. I think about everything, everyone, and about myself. I think about the past, the present, and about the future way too much. I think about scenarios that could've happened if I kept my lips shut, or if I was brave enough and didn't care about anyone's discouraging opinions. I have a terrible habit of jumping into an ocean of asphyxiating thoughts, and you would thinks someone else is drowning me, but the truth is I'm drown myself because I don't know how to be happy with myself, or anything that is happening in this moment of my life.
     My mind is filled with thoughts about "what's going to happen if...". I'm gasping for just an instant of calm waters. Oxygen is lacking not in my lungs but in my thoughts, it feels like smoke is filling my head, pressure building. This moment is messy like a child with paints. I can't make out what is drawn for me here. Too much to comprehend, too much to take in. Gasping for air, my brain is overloaded. I think a lot of thoughts...

You Can't Touch Yesterday

      We all have those days where it seems like we are by ourself in everything we do. Those days where our luck has run dry and everyone around us doesn't seem to understand. Those are the worst kinds of days, right next to bad hair days. As the day goes on it becomes a snowball effect and the day gets worse and worse. That day gives you a pretty bad attitude, you become unhappy and you just shut down.

     As the week goes on the days get longer and you still have that same bad attitude. Nobody understands what you have going on and you don't have the energy to do anything productive, another snowball effect! You just feel alone in a big world, with big things going on!

     But you can't change that bad day you had, it is just a bad day, you can't let it effect the days to come! You can't let that snowball get bigger. It is okay to shut down but to shut down for days and weeks at a time is not okay. You have to realized that you can't touch yesterday, so why are you letting it touch you. Focus on today and how improve yourself and your attitude, how to brighten other people's days. There will come a time that you will feel alone, but you attitude towards it, is what really keeps you feeling alone. Wake up and decide then what you want to be today, dreary or hopeful. It is all in your hands, your choices and your attitude. You make the day.

5 Things That Are Very Hard to Accept

1. Your skin may never be perfect, and that is okay.
2. Life is too short not have the underwear, coffee, and haircut you want.
3. Everyone (including your family, your coworkers, and best friend) will talk about you behind your back, and you will talk about them too. It doesn't mean you don't love each other.
4. It is okay to spend money on things that make you happy.
5. Sometimes without fault, or reason, relationships deteriorate. It will happen when you are six, it will happen when you are sixty. That's life.

Defined.

     Has something ever happened to you, maybe you do something bad, or you get a disease, or you are just a amazingly nice person, and now everyone know it, and that it what they remember you by, and call you by? "Oh look there is that girl that is super smart, maybe she'll let us copy her homework." Something that defines you.
     You may be defined by your attitude, or your social class, or by someone else, something distinctive about you. When they think of you, they think of that one characteristic that represents the whole you, that is being defined. It is like being designated, by other people, to be that specific thing, nothing else.
     The problem with being entitled and entitling people to one thing, and one thing only, is that everyone has a lot more to them than that one characteristic. It may be a distinguishing trait of your that people know you by, but you are so much more than that one trait. Believe in yourself more, to go out of your comfort zone, to go out of that box people put you in. Being defined by one of your characteristics should not limit your mindset. You can do more. One thing happening, or one trait of yours, or your parents or boyfriend, should not dictate how you live the rest of your life.
     Live to your full potential, there is more out there. You are the author of your own story. You get to choose how you feel and who you are. If you are stick on the same page, remember that at any moment, you have the power to write a new chapter. You have the power to write a new you, a you that no one defines as just smart, or that girl who had cancer, or that guy that drove drunk and killed someone. There is so much more to you than that.

There are some things about myself I can't explain to anyone. There are some things I don't understand at all. I can't tell what I think about things or what I am after. I don't know what my strengths are or what I am suppose to do about them. But if I start thinking about these things in too much detail the whole thing gets scary. It jumbles up in my head and things get cluttered. I can't explain what is going on in my head, but if I could it would be like a mixing bowl of paints, all different colors.

My Bridge

     You know how when you are in a car and it is pouring down rain, you go under a bridge and everything stops. Everything goes silent and it is almost peaceful. The you finally get out from under the bridge, and everything hits you a little harder that before.

You are my bridge.

     You shield me from the pounding of the rain. You are the peace in my world and my rock that protects me.

     You make me happy when you ask if I want to go to P.F. Changs because you know my answer. When you laugh and it's so contagious. When you trick me and get my hopes down and the surprise me. When we can watch movies for hours. When we proud of each other. When you lock me in a dark room and tell me there are demons coming to get me. When you accept my weird habits and quirks. When you surprise me with Red Velvet cake, my favorite! When you surprise me at airports! When you hold me when I'm upset. When you are basically part of the family.

     I love you for all that you were, all that you are, and all that you are yet to be. You are my bridge. My silent, peaceful protecting bridge, and I love you everyday for being that for me. You are with me through thick and thin, and I don't think lately I haven't told you exactly how much you fill my heart with love. You keep my feet on the ground and my head out of the clouds. I couldn't imagine not having someone like you in my life. I am thankful for you everyday I wake up!

You are without a doubt my best friend, my rock, my bridge.

Photographers for Moon Taxi one night.

     

All The Same Humans

     "Admit it. Your aren't like them. You are not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe eat the same fast foods. But it seems the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the "normal people" as they go about their automatic exsistances. For every time you say everyday phrases like "Have a nice day" and Weather's awful today, eh?", you yearn inside to say forbidden things like "Tell me something you've never told anyone else" or "What makes you upset?". Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator is thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the other."

-Timothy Leary

Some of the friends I made when I went to Europe in the London Eye.

     I absolutely love that quote! It to me, means that we try to wear and do the same thing just so we can fit in with the people we want to. We do this to try to make a typical conversation with people but what we really want to ask them what deep down in their heart. We want to know their quirks and crannies. But the problem is we just don't have the confidence. Confidence is important to have in this world we live in today! You need it to get jobs and opportunities, it helps when you are acting something out or presenting something in front of an audience. You could say confidence is the key to success. You need confidence to talk to that girl in the elevator, to make a new friend, who maybe wants to talk to you too! If you never take that chance, you may never know the outcome. So why not right? You have nothing to loose.
     We are not so different from the person stand next to you in the elevator, or walking past you on the street, we are not so different from those runway models, or superstars. We are all the same humans, just raised from different environments, brought up with different beliefs and mindsets. , and we all have those awkward moments, and those bad hair days, just be real with yourself and others and they will find that unique.
Everyone is the same on the inside
     If there is anything I have learned, it is that if you want to talk to someone, talk to them. Go out on a limb. Do not wait for them to talk first because, odds are they are waiting for that same thing.