"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow; but through it all I know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing."

-Agatha Christie

Deepest Emotion

     When you hear the word "struggle" you just assume that it is associated with bad things. In a way it is, but in other ways it is not always that bad.
     "After struggling to meet his bench goal, Thomas achieved it today." Most people would assume in that the boy in sentence that he would be struggling physically to meet his bench goal. But he can also be struggling mentally too.
     Struggle- coping with the inability to perform well or how you want to, to advance with violent effort. Struggle or to battle, work, or hassle.
     Thomas could struggle with getting his arms up again after coming down, but he could also struggle with the pressure to meet his goal and all of his friends making fun of him because he hasn't yet and they have.

The younger you would hate to see those tears.

     My point with the whole Thomas thing is that you can only see the outside of a person, that's it. You don't see what is going on in their head and you can't hear what they are thinking. You can look at a girl in class and think she has the perfect family, the perfect boyfriend, and the perfect life, but that may not be the case. Maybe her parents lost their jobs, her boyfriend beats her, and her friends talk behind her back. All you see is the outside, the mask she puts on to hide the struggles that are going on in her life.
     The mind is a dangerous thing. We all overthink somethings and we cook up some crazy scenarios, that end up to be nothing like we thought. The mind is where you hold back all of the crazy things and emotions going on in your life. It is also horribly cruel, it tells you not let anyone in, don't let anyone know about this great, strong emotion you are feeling, they don't want to hear it. So you don't say anything and go you on with life normally, but the thing is, you don't feel normal inside. The mind is where struggles are the hardest to endure, because you think and think and think. You sit there and just sike yourself out. Everything eventually builds, and becomes too much pressure, and just like a bomb your thoughts explode on your face as water droplets.
     As your bomb resides on your puffy cheeks your head and all the pressure in there slowly disperses out. Your mindset changes a little bit and you become clear minded. You make a decision on what you will do next, even if it's just getting through the next day. Your pressure made you emotional unstable but the bomb taught you something about what you actually want to do with the situation. That decision you make to keep moving forward through more struggles to overcome and endure physically and mentally, can either make you better or break you down more. It gets better with every moment, without any sort of explaination. You wake up one morning and suddenly you just arent as upset anymore. A struggle is a not always a bad thing, it only makes you stronger. Your struggle can be overcome, you have a strong body and mind to pick yourself up after the aftermath of the bomb. Every once in awhile our eyes need to be washed with tears, so we  can see life with a clearer view again.

10 Things To Be Happy About

1. Hundreds of Pretty Flowers
2. Rain When You're Sleeping
3. No Homework Nights
4. Forehead Kisses
5. A Home
6. Opportunities
7. Photographs
8. Pizza
9. Fresh Cut Grass
10. Your Talents

The Lady

A lady once said to me, "Life is not meant to be easy. It's like you are running track and it is one hurdle after another, it's just all about how you get over them."

     

     That, in my eyes, is so unbelievably true! Life was not designed to to be simple or straightforward in anyway, it is constant change and obstacles, constantly fighting with your emotions or jumping through hoops to get what you need. It will be amazing and it will be horrible, but life is truly designed to be, is LIVED, to endure the long nights with your head spinning, but also to take those once in a lifetime opportunities, that is to live your life. The up and downs are only making you strong. Every hurdle you overcome is only getting you that much closer to your goal. 

"You may not end up where you thought you were going, but you will always end up where you're meant to be."

    This is how I see life as a metaphor: Life is like a poker game that you are dealt. I includes skill and luck. You bet, check, bluff, and raise. You learn from those you play with. Sometimes you win with a pair or lose with a full house. Whatever happens, it is best to keep shuffling along.

     That lady sitting there saying this to me, she had an extraordinary outlook on life. I wish you could listen to our conversation. Its a hard balancing act, but it is all about your attitude towards it. Go, jump over those obstacles and win that poker game. LIVE the life you have been dealt.

He is Who I Admire

     I think I am the luckiest girl in the world. My life has been great. I have had so many opportunities, I volunteered at the Turkey Bowl here that Walter Jones puts on as a fundraiser, I have been a CIT at a super amazing camp, Pine Ridge Day Camp, I travel down to the beach or to different states just cause I get invited to tag along, I have traveled to Ireland, Scotland, England just because I had an opportunity to, but most of all I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world because of my amazing boyfriend.

     I have talked about him before but his name is Dylan and he is everything to me. We met a really long time ago and we dated for a little bit but things just didn't work out, which was a bummer, but I still thought about him a lot. After a while maybe like 2 years I was really thinking about him and how he was doing so I texted him and we starting talking to each other again. And here we are today!

When we were the photographer for Moon Taxi.

Homecoming pictures

     He is really more than just a boyfriend to me though. He is my best friend. He has seen me when I happy and crazy and he has seen me broken down to a stump. He has seen my messy hair and my makeup running down my face, and he still loves me for who I am. I really admire him, because I am not a easy person to please and keep happy, and he does a terrific job! He is there for me when I really need him. I love him to death and I would do anything just to keep him in my life. My life would be totally different without him. We have something that is more than just a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, we have a special type of bond.

     He has taught me to love myself and all my special talents and to be confident in them. Dylan is someone I cherish, I cherish every second I get with him. Even though I throw fits sometimes and I am a little moody he is still everything he promised he would be. He is perfect in every single way, I am lucky to have a great guy like you in my crazy life!

In the Future...

In the future... What will you become? Where will you end up? Who will you end up with?

    You don't know. Nobody knows what will happen to them next. Something life changing could happen in a split second. Life is unpredictable, it twists and turns and makes you feel amazing at times and other times it could make you feel worthless.

    Don't spend every second wondering about your future. Do overthink what you will do because most times life will come and screw it up. Take moments as they come and enjoy every bit of it, you will never get that moment back, love it and cherish it. The things that make life worth living is not your big fancy job that pays a lot but you hate, it is not what grades you got in school, or what show came on last night. To me what makes life worth living is my family, my friends, my relationships and who loves and supports me. The journey is what makes life with living, growing into a better person, figuring out who I am on the inside. What matters is what you do with the time you are alive, and you don't have much. 

    Live the moments to the fullest, even if they are not the most comfortable moments. Embrace what life has in store for you, there is no reason not to! Give someone a compliment, make someones day, listen more to the details, and just be yourself, don't change for anyone. You are the way you are for a reason, embrace your interests and personality, there is not sense in holding in your intellect. Life may throw a curve ball every once in a while but just take it, catch it and roll with it. Don't worry about the future because you will spend your whole life wondering what it will be like, and the you will look back and ask yourself what happened, it went too fast. Cherish what you have and give back to those who aren't as fortunate, give thanks to those who provide and be positive. Life is only so short, why fill it with empty questions.

10 Things to be Happy About (Lazy Day Edition)

1. Disney Movies
2. Lazy Sundays
3. Big T-Shirts
4. Rain While You Sleep
5. Naps
6. Hot Showers
7. Candlelight
8. Netflix
9. Cuddles
10. Fuzzy Socks