Goodbyes

There are so many different kind of goodbyes out there in the world. Many of them are associated with a bad essence. But to me, not all goodbyes are such an awful thing. Goodbyes are endings but only in a physical sense. They don’t have the power to erase what happened. They don’t have the substance to wash away memories or abduct the those extraordinary experiences. Goodbyes are only what we give them the power to be.

But they are sooooo bittersweet. Simple as that.

Sometimes goodbyes means your days are filled with missing someone. Sometimes goodbyes leave your heart urning to be wanted again. Sometimes goodbyes means your nights are filled with insomnia and a head filled with wandering thoughts and what-ifs.

But sometimes goodbyes mean that you are lucky. Sometimes it means that you have parted ways with someone or something irreplaceably special in every way. Sometimes it means that your heart was touched by another heart in the most magnificent way. Sometimes you have to say goodbye to a person you thought you had more time with. Sometimes you have to say goodbye to a place you’ll never return to. Sometimes you have to say goodbye to who you are at this very moment in time knowing you will never see her again.

Goodbyes are endings.
But they don't end memories.

I will never forget the obnoxious belly laughs or the hugs, fitting together like puzzle pieces. I will never forget that crazy huge smile or the feeling I got when your eye met mine. I will never forget the beautiful moments spent at your house with your family for Sunday dinner.

I will never forget how that one person made me feel. I will never forget the moments I love or the moments I felt loved.

Goodbyes are endings but memories stay.
Feelings last.

Goodbyes are endings but moments...those loving enchanting moments they are never ending.

They are invincible.

The Little Things Continued...

Coming to a place that you aren't very comfortable in, sharing a room with someone you've only talked to at school and living in a place that is completely different in all aspects... it's mind obliterating.
My mind runs in circles, constantly checking myself or continually asking myself if this is the place for me or if I am on the right path in college.
University of Birmingham is definitely not what I expected it to be at all. It is a special cup of tea for special people but I am disappointed to say it is not mine. And as things continuously tumble and slide out of my control in other aspects of my life, it is hard to still be something special here in Birmingham. I catch myself all the time focusing on all the bad situations more than I would like to. I can't help it, everyone does at some points. But it has really bugged me these passed few weeks. But when I really look at Birmingham and I really dig deep into the city, I find a few gems hidden out there in the world that keep me going.
The little things. Being here by myself. Living in an enormous city, that is so much different than my little country home. And empty study rooms that over look the city. Really have made me appreciate the little things in my life. Some things that I miss from home and some that I found in the trials of college. The little hidden gems in life are so underestimated. People just glance over them, like they are entitled to living a life full of luxuries. But honestly I wish more people saw the good in just the little thing. I wish they saw reward in just the little things. I wish they saw the charity in just the little things.
The world is full of little beauties. You just have to open your eyes, open your mind to find them. Appreciate them, love them and live them.
This past year has literally bulldozed right over me, spinning me and plunging me into life as it is, its always hard to find the good in things. Most of the time I wanna just sit in my bed and feel bad for myself. But these undervalued gems have gotten me through a pretty rough year. If you love life, then life will always love you back.
The little things. That's the key.

The Little Things

The past few months the most common thing people say to me is "It doesn't ever get better, it just gets easier."

     I'm sitting here in bed with a big t-shirt and sweatpants with tall socks on, curled up next to me is my dog Jess snoring her brains out. Outside my dark cave I hear the dryer, drying clothes and the neighbor working on his car. My brother is off at school and I'm just here. "Just here" is where I'm always at.
     To be honest it is a little lonely at times. If I'm not working I'm here, cleaning, doing laundry and dishes. I'm here. In my cozy nook in the corner of the house with my tie blanket and Jess. It's a famous trio now. Just here eating my daily salads and ramen, watching Netflix and thinking off all the things I need to do around the house. And sometimes... it gets to me. I'm here, by myself, doing things my mom would laugh if I even thought about doing them. Laundry, never heard of. The dishes, don't even think about them.
     But when loneliness is filling my head, I get a slight thought of optimism. Then I get the big picture again. Its the little things that should keep me going. The calls telling me to wake up and get out of bed to go swimming, the date nights, the work crew, the kick backs, and the bonfires. The fact that Jess' love is never ending. The random calls from Jackie and the texts from Patsy. The sunflowers off the side of the road and the fresh produce at farmers markets. The neighbors who mow my lawn and the lady who cuts my hair. Nyla who comes to see me at work and the endless smiles Dalton gives me.
Its then, I think about all those little things and so many more, I don't feel as lonely. Its when I think about the little things, it gets a little easier to be by myself for once. When I'm not so worried about someone touching mom's makeup or toothbrush. When I'm not worried about doing the dishes or laundry. When I am myself. The little things in the world make life a little more bearable. Its the little things. That's the key.

To My Best Friend...

     I know things have been tough lately. I know you feel like I am not here for you. But I am. I have been here since the beginning. I have been there every step of the way. I may not be upfront and center but I have always cheered you on in every decision you have made. You have stood by me for as long as I can remember, and I just want to say...
     Thank you for always being there when I needed you. For being selfless and listening to everything I had to get off my chest. For picking me up when I felt like I couldn't do it myself. Thank you for always being truthful with me. For being the type of person who has the ability to tell me I was wrong. And encouraging me to to better, be better and think better. Thank you for allowing me to express myself and to feel what I feel.
     Thank you for bringing joy to my life. For making me laugh so hard I my stomach muscles hurt, for the inside jokes and all of the monumental crazy situations we look back on and smile about. We understand each other on another level, that nobody else will. We know what pushes each others buttons, what makes each other happy, our favorite everything and those super secrets no one else knows. Having someone like that is a whole other joy.
     Thank you just for simply being you. You inspire me to be a softer person, motivate me to do more and see more and feel more than just the surface layer. We are complete opposites yet still the same in a way. There is nobody else that could deal with my crazy self the way you can.
     But most of all thank you for loving me. Loving all my quirks and corks. My grumpy moods and my crabby morning attitude. I am one hard person to love and you do the best job at it.
     That is the best thing about our friendship. You are a person that makes everything better. We are still those two little spontaneous girls that road tripped almost every weekend. Those little girls that flipped the go-cart and almost died. Everything that you are for me, I am for you. I am here, even if it is in the background. I love you to death. You are my bridge, my safe place, my home.

18 Years Down...

     For me growing up is probably the biggest adventure anyone could ever have.

In my 18 years of life I have done some very crazy things. I have traveled to Ireland, Scotland, Wales, England, Haiti, Jamaica, Grand Cayman, Mexico, Arizona, California, Nevada. I have driven a Nascar Race Car by myself. I have been to way too many concerts to even count. Cliff jumping, indoor skydiving, swimming with dolphins... For goodness sakes, I went to Seaworld Camp! Awards line my room for photography and journalism. My room is covered with trinkets from all over the world. Not one opportunity in my life has been turned down.

     That is what my mom wanted.

     She raised me to take advantage of those spontaneous road trips. Screw school and work. When is came to adventure, even if they were leaving in 5 minutes, she told me to hurry and pack and she would see me in a couple of days.

     The crazy canoeing trips that left us sunburnt and moments we will forever remember. The day me and Emily got our wisdom teeth out, that one is a little fuzzy. The days we would skip school to do hangout with Meghan and Derrick. The morning drive to school with Emily and my mom. Everyday was a little adventure of it's own.

     My mom supported my craziness, maybe because she was a little crazy too. She didn't want me to live a life of almosts, or should haves. It was important to her that I came home with a crazy story to tell her and a sparkle in my eye. And I don't think I have let her down!

A Woman

A woman.

A woman that is always smiling.

A woman that is always giving.

Who always tries to make everyone else happy.

She loves when she can make someone laugh through their tears. To bring a little bit of hope back into someone's life.

She is so busy worrying about everyone around her that she neglects her own life. She puts everyone else's problems before her own.

She hides her emotions from the friends that honestly want to know what is going on in her life. She doesn't want to bother them. She doesn't want to weigh them down with her own misery. So she is simply "fine."

On rare occasions she will open up. She will end with "No Worries." So no one will worry about her.

When she walks into a room, it is like the sun instantly shines upon everyone around her.

She supports everyone else in their journey while handling her own struggles.

She depends only on herself and moves forward very courageously.

She respects herself enough to know he own worth.

She works until the job is finished. No excuses. She rarely ever throws in the towel. She pushes until she is satisfied with her progress.

A woman with a beautiful soul.

A woman with everything I aspire to become.

A woman.

Sound familiar?

The Milk Myth

The glass is half empty, your stomach is entirely full, but you can still hear your parents ringing in your ear “Better finish your milk if you want strong bones.” What if I told you they were wrong.

As kids we were forced to finish our milk at the dinner table. At school a carton of milk was mandatory with lunch. That white liquid was involuntary at every breakfast outing. Why? Our parents told us it was because we were “growing boys and girls.”

Milk, endorsed by numerous athletes and celebrities in the “Got Milk?” epidemic, is said to be filled with abounding amounts of calcium, vitamins A and D, protein and other nutrients that we think are beneficial to our bodies. That’s the thing, we think. Just because we are told it has all the nutrients we could ever want, we believe it. Countless studies have said the complete opposite. One glass of milk contains foreign animal-made protein, pimple like pus cells, feces, injected antibiotics and growth hormones and an abundance of unnecessary fat, cholesterol and calories. Not what you thought?

Ready for the biggest plot twist ever? Milk does not actually make your bones stronger. Mind blown. It actually increases calcium loss in bones.

Humans are the only species that drink another species milk. Cow's milk is not designed for humans, it is designed for calves, who only drink their mother’s milk until they are about 8 months old. The same rule applies to any other mammal species. So why are we still drinking it? Imagine a cow drinking a human’s milk. Weird.

Because cow's milk is not made for humans, when we consume it, it deregulates our body’s pH. Our bodies see cow milk as a foreign invader which will cause our immune system to overreact. While fighting off this strange liquid, it actually draws calcium out of the bones it is ironically suppose to be “strengthening.”

People who are lactose intolerant are just an example of why our bodies are not designed to consume milk. They are unable to fully digest it, because they lack the enzyme to break it down.

Did you know when you drink milk you are putting the same pus cells that are in zits, in your mouth? I did. You are disgusting. There are about 1,120,000 pus or somatic cells in just in teaspoon of milk. Think about a whole glass of that nastiness.

Not only is milk not designed for our bodies. Most milk you find in grocery stores near you is not only pasteurized but also contains hormones not intended for humans. The goal of the pasteurization of milk is to kill the harmful bacteria by heating it up to boiling temperatures. Manipulating the milk this way, destroys some nutritiants and a majority of the enzymes we think we are getting. Do not even get me started on the hormones. Cows are routinely given antibiotics and injected with rBGH, a genetically engineered Bovine Growth Hormone, which is a hormone that was created to unnaturally increase milk production in a cow. By the time the milk reaches our glasses at the dinner table most hormones have been weeded out, but there are still some that slip through. By drinking milk you are consuming a hormone intended for cows, which in return messes up the hormones in a human’s body. Studies done by Harvard University have linked this hormone injection with many cancers in humans. Need I say more?

Now you are saying “What am I supposed to drink?” I am about to come in clutch. Not all milk is evil. There are many alternatives to pasteurized, hormone injected, pus filled, fake calcium milk. The most popular alternative is almond milk. It is so easy to make, you could even make it at home. Soy milk, rice milk, coconut milk and hemp milk are also good substitutes. I am not lying, to actually make your bones stronger eat spinach, kale or yogurt. They contain more calcium than milk and they are all easier to digest. Do not listen to your parents.

Next time when you throw one back and you end up with a milk mustache, think about all that calcium you did not get, those pus cells and the hormones and pasteurization particles that are sitting on your top lip. Gross.